Spanking

There's been a lot of discussion around the internet on this subject the last few days, mostly fueled by the proposed law in California. Below are my thoughts, mostly brought on in response to other people's comments and posts.

I have three children (21, 17 and 14), and none of them have ever been spanked. I don't believe that spanking is ever necessary. However, I don't see this law working.....it's totally non-enforceable, IMO.

Someone mentioned "the Columbine weirdos," and children turning into one of them if not spanked....newsflash: both of those shooters WERE spanked as children.

And for those who call it a "last resort," I have a question that I've never had seriously answered in any spanking discussion/debate: If spanking is your last resort, and it doesn't work, then what? LAST means nowhere else to go.....end of the road. So do you just throw up your hands and give up trying? And if you don't, but try something else, then saying spanking is a LAST RESORT is a lie, isn't it?

All those spare the rod, spoil the child remarks......the shepherd's rod is used to lead and guide, NEVER to hit.....discipline is about teaching, and teaching doesn't require hitting.

Death row inmates......research shows that NINETY percent of all prison inmates WERE spanked as children.

Spanking a child for running out into the street or running in a parking lot? Why would I spank a child because I wasn't being diligent enough? A young child doesn't KNOW the consequences of those actions, and is just following his/her natural instincts. I'M the adult, I'M the one who knows what could happen, and I'M the one who needs to protect the child......and I did with all three of mine.

And I'm sorry, but saying that you spank your child and don't beat them.....is that supposed to mean something? Hitting another adult can get you arrested for assault, but hitting a child is perfectly acceptable because we pretty it up by calling it discipline.

I was spanked as a child, and all I can remember is feeling angry at my parents for hitting me. I learned the difference between right and wrong more from my GUT than from my BUTT...and that's what I tried to pass on to my three children. It is my opinion that hitting creates an atmosphere of fear, and I don't want my children to base their choices on how to act on fear. I want them to be respectful, caring, loving people with strong morals and values because they BELIEVE in being those things, not because I intimidated them into being them.

Just because a parent doesn't spank, that doesn't mean there is no discipline in the home, or that children learn bad behavior has no consequences. It just means that the consequences are of a different sort than getting hit.....and they are just as effective in creating well-behaved children who respect their elders and follow rules.

Are my kids the ones freaking out in the store, on the floor saying they hate me for not buying them this weeks hottest must have toy?  Nope, they sure aren't....my oldest tried it twice, and both times he got picked up and carried out of the store. When his sisters came along, and started to behave as if they MIGHT want to try it, it took one time for big brother to say "Don't do it, or we'll have to go HOME!" and they cut it out right then. No swat, no pop, no physical pain necessary!

Spanking doesn't make you violent, but you're spanking your kids? Spanking IS violence....so thank you much for proving my point, ladies!!

And no, I don't yell or scream at my kids either. I have been verbally and emotionally abused myself, and I won't EVER do that to another human being.

Report Cards

Okay, so now I just want to scream. 17 yr old dd, Adrienne,  comes in all excited, talking about how she passed all her classes this semester, except for one. Then I look at the report card.....yeah, she passed.....with D's!!! And the one she failed? She didn't even bother taking the exam for it last week. RIght now she's in her room, and has orders not to come out till dinner, because I really don't want to have to deal with her right  now. And then she wants to know why I'm not happy about her passing the rest of her classes. Excuse me, but I don't see Ds as a reasonf to be happy, when I know that she's capable of so much more than that. When she takes achievement tests, she scores in the 95 percentile or higher, for Pete's sake......and she qualified to take the ACT as a SEVENTH  GRADER, where she scored an 18 out of 36, which was fabulous for her age. I just hate to see her wasting her potential like this.  :(

Now I just have to wait a little while for Amy to get home and see how SHE did.

I Don't Deserve To Be A Mom

I don't deserve to be a mom........

Yep, that's what I was told this week.  And you'll never guess why........

Because I think dead baby jokes are funny!  Just because I have a warped, sick and twisted sense of humor, it's been decided by a certain self-righteous group of women that I am an A-hole who doesn't deserve the right to be a mother. Who knew that I was supposed to turn that part of me off 21 yrs ago before I gave birth to Brian?  I guess I've compounded the "wrongness" threefold, too, because I now have three children who are also dark, sick and twisted in their humor.......oh, the horror of it all!

Anyhow, just wanted to share that my 21 yrs of parenting have all been bogus..........and give my deepest apologies to Brian, Adrienne and Amy for causing them to be like me.   ROFL

What Does It Mean To Be "Real"?

I am totally blown away by something that was said/typed to me earlier today. Someone on my most favorite "mommy board" told me that I am never real on there. Apparently, saying that I try to live my life as a Christian, and try to follow God's Word, is being less than real....and also makes me a cold, frigid bitch. 

I am who I am, and I'm the same IRL as I am online. Who I am is a woman,daughter, granddaughter,sister, sister-in-law, wife, mother, stepmother, Princess (daughter of the King)....a Christian who tries her best every day to stay on the path, to be a light in the darkness, to be "in the world but not of the world."   I'm someone who gets angry, gets her feelings hurt, is passionate about a lot of issues, will fight like a tiger when it comes to protecting her children, will cry like a baby when she unintentionally hurts someone she considers a friend. I'm so far from perfect it's not even funny...I've been through a lot of negative experiences in my life, and I like to think they help me have empathy for others going through the same or similar.

Two of the worst insults to me are to tell me that I'm not being real, or that I'm not behaving like a Christian....and I had both of them leveled at me today, so I'm sitting here with a HUGE knot in my stomach, tears welling up in my eyes, praying that God will show me if there is anything in my life that I need to change to please Him....since His opinion is the only one that really matters in the end.

Guess I'll close with a song that I always turn to in times like this:

All I Ever Have To Be
Written by Gary Chapman
Sung by Amy Grant

When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head,
And the thoughtful words of health and hope
Have all been nicely said.
But I'm still hurting,
Wondering if I'll ever be
The one I think I am.
I think I am.
Then you gently re-remind me
That you've made me from the first,
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get the worst.
And I realize the good in me,
Is only there because of who you are.
Who you are...
And all I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.
Any more or less would be a step
Out of your plan.
As you daily recreate me,
Help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do
What I can find.
And all I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.